At Last! Friday

This has been a hellish sort of week. Things are not going well at work and both of my kids are sick.

Things are not going well at work because I stayed home with my sick kids. My poor babies have been sick 6 times since January 31^st.

While, I cannot blame my employer for feeling less-than-happy with me, this situation is not something that is avoidable. Kids get sick. Plain and simple.

Obviously, with my need for validation my insides feel upside down over this situation. It almost makes me want to go to the depression corner in my mind. The same corner where I say “No one loves me.” “I am worthless.” “I cannot breathe.”

However, I’m not going to go to that corner. I have enough people in my life to validate me. Yes, that is the problem isn’t it? I have an inherent need for validation from others. It’s not enough for me to say that I believe in myself… it’s what others believe that matters most. This holds the most importance for me.

I base and have always based feeling good about myself only when others approve. It’s not that I am unaware of who I am. Obviously, to pull these self-truths out and be able to write about them shows some measure of self-awareness.

Self-awareness aside, how do I change this?

I have started to tell myself 1 good thing about me per day. Today, my good thought is that I am a good mom.

I feel that I am an empath when it comes to dealing with people. I naturally seem to feed off other people’s emotions. If my husband is having a bad day then I too am having a bad day. It’s hard for me to separate the feelings sometimes. It gets to the point where I have a hard time being in big crowds because the feelings fly at me all at once at an alarming rate of speed. This seems to happen when I am in an especially introspective mood. My “people-awareness” heightens to the point of where I find myself absorbing the feelings.

I can feel my boss’s obvious distaste for me right now. I can feel it so strong that it makes me want to up and quit. I’m not about to kiss her ass for something I don’t feel I did wrong. I am stubborn like that. Still, I don’t like the feel of hostility or unrest. I am hoping that she will take the weekend to get over it. Doubtful.

While this entry doesn’t have a whole lot to do with food, it does touch on an important subject for me that I believe is one big factor in my need to pacify my feelings. If I could find validation within myself, then I believe I wouldn’t slay my feelings for the moment with something greasy or sweet.

Have a great weekend!

Until Next Time,

The Angry Fat Woman