Wednesday, May 9, 2007

So… Tyra Banks… Yeah she’s fat now.

I’m sure most of you have been privy to reading blog post after blog post about Tyra Banks and her “weight gain”. I’m sure those of you who watch her show or who watch any kind of entertainment news show are aware of the amount of media attention Tyra is getting because she told the paparazzi to and I quote, “Kiss my fat ass!”

People magazine has listed Tyra as one of the pioneers of our generation because she is standing up against the media in regards to weight gain. She even went so far as to have a whole episode where people had to wear their weight proudly on a “HELLO MY NAME IS” type of badge.

Although, I can’t help but wonder what her motivation is for launching such a campaign. Does she really seek to inspire and educate or is this noble plight something to help boost her ratings and essentially her new image as talkshow Diva? Either way, I suppose it’s nice to have a beautiful, famous supermodel take one for the team.

The irony in this whole situation is that 165 is now the new 200. The Hollywood non-existent dress size (because we all know that zero is not a size) has now poured out onto the general population. We the unconscious sheep are lead to think that we are fat unless we fit into said non-existent size. It’s all about the non-size size. 0 is the new 6. Get it? Got it? Good.

No matter how old I get, I will not think that skeletal celebrities are beautiful ever and no one will be able to convince me otherwise. I look at Nicole Ritchie, Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and immediately I feel the need to shove a few cheeseburgers at them. It’s the maternal instinct in me.

That said, I admire Tyra Banks for blasting the media. It takes steely balls to tell the paparazzi powers-that-be to kiss your ass. It means that she is willing to fight for what she believes in, even though we all know the paparazzi will only publish the fugly pictures of Tyra from now on. No one likes to be told to kiss someone’s ass, even if they deserve it.

Evil paparazzi Mofos.


Until Next Time,

The Angry Fat Woman

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Expectations and Compulsive Over Eating

Last night, I had a rather constructive talk with my husband. For a year or so now I have been feeling like i've fallen into the depths of depression. As a result, I have gained 50 lbs. I started telling him about all of the things I have done in regards to my foodscursions. He looked shocked to say the least.

He didn't realize how depressed and helpless I have felt. I have gone down this path of binge eating to numb my feelings about certain situations. My affair with food has gone from pure to down right sneaky. I sneak food and lie about the amounts I eat. I feel ashamed about my relationship with food. As of right now, I feel very out of control.

The secret I have kept: I am an compulsive overeater or a binge eater. I've been dealing with this for years (Read: Not been dealing with it). I had lost a huge amount of weight back in 2001. I was able to keep it off until I became pregnant in 2003.

After two pregnancies, i've gained 100 lbs from my lowest weight. That's 100 lbs in 4 years which is the equivalent to 25 lbs a year.

I'm not proud of this but I realize that I need to start taking control and move in a positive direction. I need to fix the inside first (not just the outside). I've been doing this for so long that some of my actions are mindless. I don't even think about the food i'm putting in my mouth, whether or not I feel full, etc. It doesn't consciously matter, I just eat.

My husband told me that I need to pull myself together. Ugh. As if I haven't been trying to pull myself together since my son was born! He is right though. I do need to do something.

Truth be told, I am scared. I am scared because i'm not sure how to change my bad habits. I am scared that I will fail. I am scared that life won't be as fun without food.

I think the key to this is to have a daily journal (ala my blog) and to eat less fast-food and more fruit and veggies.

So there you have it. I laid it out on the line. Wish me luck.

Until Next Time,

The Angry Fat Woman

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